Q: I once recommended a book called Approaching Buddhism to my father. After a few months, he finally read a little, but soon put it aside and didn’t want to continue. He asked me, “Does practicing Buddhism mean you can’t pursue a good life?’ He even added, “Don’t overdo it with your practice.” What should I say in response?

A: Is pursuing a good life really at odds with Buddhist practice? That depends on what we mean by a ‘good life.’ For most people, the so-called ‘good life’  means indulging in sensory pleasures and the five worldly desires – wealth, sex, fame, gluttony, and sloth. If that’s our understanding, then yes, it conflicts with Buddhist practice.

       Take wealth, for instance. Some people will do whatever it takes to get rich – even resorting to corruption, exploiting others, always scheming for gain. But once they start practising the Dharma, they commit to living with honesty and integrity. Those old tactics? No longer an option.

       Or look at sensual desire. Buddhism encourages contentment and restraint, which means we can’t simply indulge ourselves as before. Think of the person who loves fine dining, going after only the freshest seafood and choicest cuts of meat. When they learn that Buddhist teachings are about compassion and strongly discourage killing, suddenly their lifestyle is at odds with their practice. These restrictions can feel limiting, which is exactly why Buddhism seems incompatible with what most people call the good life.

       But is the good life really about satisfying our sensory pleasures? People define it differently based on their own values. When someone sees things in a sensory way, he naturally can’t engage with Buddhist practice any further.

       From a Buddhist perspective, what is a truly good life? It’s having inner joy and peace. It’s being compassionate and gentle. It’s seeing everyone as equal and having deep love for all beings. That’s real fulfillment. Compare that to being constantly anxious, fearful, bitter, resentful, hurting others, stuck in toxic patterns—that's no life at all. When you’re free from all that baggage, when life feels radiant and joyful—now that's living. And Buddhist practice? That’s how you get there.

       The purpose of practicing Buddhism is to transcend suffering and find genuine bliss – to break through delusion and awaken our Buddha-nature. Ultimately, it's about freeing ourselves from the endless cycle of birth and death in this Saha World, attaining rebirth in the Land of Ultimate Bliss, and achieving complete enlightenment.

       As for your father taking months just to skim the beginning of the book you recommended—clearly his idea of the ‘good life’ is still pretty superficial. He's still thinking in terms of the five desires, chasing sensory pleasures and physical gratification. It's a shallow, desire-driven view of fulfillment. No wonder he couldn't get through it—the teachings didn't align with his worldview. That's why he said "don't overdo it with your practice." He's not completely against it. What he really means is: "A little Buddhist practice is good enough—some spiritual comfort, doing good deeds for merit, chanting the Buddha’s name for peace and protection. But seriously pursuing liberation and transcending birth and death? That's going too far."

       What does the Buddha teach us? "I vow to attain the supreme Buddhahood" – not “don’t go too far.” If you stop halfway, you’ll be stuck in the six realms of samsara. And is that good enough? Absolutely not! If you’re going to say “this is far enough,” at the very least you’d need to reach Arhatship – transcending birth and death, entering nirvana, going beyond the Three Realms of Desire, Form and Formless. That would be something. But even that’s not where you should stop. You need to generate bodhicitta and aim for complete Buddhahood. Only when you become a Buddha can you say you’ve gone far enough. Anything less falls short. That’s why the vow says ‘supreme Buddhahood’ – supreme means no ceiling, no stopping point, no boundary.

       So how do you talk to him about this? When a person tries to discuss these things with their father, they're not on equal footing—it's awkward. Plus, your worldviews and understanding are completely different. I think actions speak louder than words here. Show love and care for your parents. Live a vibrant, fulfilling life. Embody that loving spirit so he can feel it. When crises hit and he panics, you stay calm. He talks about the "good life," right? Let him discover: "My child is living a life that’s richer, fuller, and more beautiful than mine. Where does this come from? From practicing Buddhism." That might give him a genuine appreciation for the Dharma. Just preaching at him? That probably won't work.

       I hope your father will finish reading that book when the time is right. Think about it—Buddhist books aren't easy reads. Approaching Buddhism is a basic, accessible introduction meant to bring the general public to the Dharma, and  not everyone can get through even that. I hope he'll acquire the karmic conditions to understand the Dharma more deeply. You can also dedicate the merit of reciting Amitabha's name to him, wishing him a fulfilling life.

(Translated by the Pure Land School Translation Team;
edited by Householder Fojin)